Godly and content.

ok.. her we go.


So much blessings.. i cnt even begin to count and it's makin me burst.

- i got my brother back and my family stronger and more together.

- i got my braces off.

- i've been really doing good at school at the same time still strugglin cuz it aint over yet.

- Me and the wifey has never been so strong and loving with each other.. i love her so much.

- I got me a new car.. the car i've been emo about and crying and being all sad about.. the one

i've been dreaming to get.. yes.. you guessed rite.. i got me a new 2008 honda civic Si coupe. it's

under my name so my credit goes up everytime i pay for it. i love my car so much it makes me

feel free everytime i drive it. the speed.. the adrenaline.. the v-tec. wheow! that's all i gotta say.

i'm ready..


So many things are lookin up for me the nxt year.. i'm just excited to see what else God has in
store for me.



ULTIMATELY.. i'm just really thankful and grateful to my brother, my parents and God. They all complete everything that i have right now..


Well i gtg.. 2 more days of finals and i'm off for vacation and working to save up to pay for my

brand new car...



Oh btw.. i named her Jyza.. "jaiza" in japanese.. hehe.. my wifey gave that name..

just forget it.

I love you alyzzah nicole. no matter what you will always be my.. "mine."


forever you are here embedded in my heart. dont you ever forget that. sorrie for all the stupid things i've done for you. you deserve everything of me and my love.


I love you.





just one small little thing.. i cant have.. you know wat? just forget it. forget everything. there's no reason for me to be happy with nething except for me and lyza.





i hate it.. i hate them. i hate everything..about it. it's so unfair. He says one thing and get's it while i have to go through hell to just even get one.


i HATE it..

i should just try to go win the lottery or somethin.

sigh*. so much for my dream. well.. i tried to ask my mom if i could get my matrix traded for a new honda civic si.. but she gave me the whole talk about the life struggles and it just made me feel like all teary eyed and freakin weird. basically this is me.. " heart so heavy, eye's bout to burst, and all i'm telling myself is.. " - " just dream.. that's all you can do. you'll never get what you want." It sucks.. so much.. it makes me wanna go bad.. and see what they do to me. like.. my brother is all doing all this worldly things and my parents dont yell at him.. dont say nothing to him.. just let him do what he wants.. y? because he's done with college and he's a nurse and he has all the money in the world and he can do whatever he wants? or because he gives money to my mom every paycheck so they shouldnt get him mad so that he wont stop giving..? ugh.. i dont know.. maybe i'm being selfish.. but.. sigh*.. i dont know.. for some reason.. i feel like just crying right now. everything is just so hurtful.. my birthday is coming up soon. right now.. all i want.. is just the car of my dreams. this is really cheezy.. but hey.. you dont like what i'm saying.. dont read. you can stop here.

anyways.. school is actually doing ok. i really felt good about my midterms.. because i know i did well. everything i studied came out. i wish i was done in school already. so i can go out and live in another state. i'll jst send my parents money so i can give them help. i hate it.. so much.. i'm home all the time. i cant go out.. when i go out.. i'm like timed or something.. i have to go home at a certain time. they're always scared i'm gonna fail.. i'm gonna fail. maybe i shud jst fail and get it over with and die. it's pointless.. whatever efforts i give it aint good enough. i want to do it for myself.. but i want to be happy too. i really miss my brother.. it's so not the same anymore.. i want to tell him how i feel.. but i knoe he'll just disregard it. he cares more about his ex gf's family and his ex gf's brother and sisters more than me. his own brother. i wanna ask him for help to get my car.. but i know he's gonna say.. " man.. dont get it.. you dont got the money to back it up with." my heart feels so heavy right now.. full of sad and melancholy emotions. i dont wanna tell lyza but i knoe she's bound to find out about this neways. and she's gonna inspect me.. " what's wrong? what's going on?" and then she's gonna give me a talk. but at least with her.. i can dream.. and somehow it feels real. that's why when i graduate from college.. if i cud.. i'd jst want her to be there.. because i did it.. for me.. and for her. and then we'll get married and get away from everything.. i really dont care nemore. my brother wants to go out and smoke and drink.. so be it. i dont want to affiliate myself with him nemore. i'm tired of trying.. it's pointless.. countless times i tried.. so much.. to see if he's gonna change.. ugh.. i dont know.. what i'm saying or doing.. maybe i'm just so emtionally stressed and hurt right now.. i just want to be happy. i want the car of my dreams.. my old brother.. my family.. sigh*. i'm sorrie.

i want a car the way i want it.

ok.. this is what's been going on my mind. ever since i started driving, i've always wanted to get a fast car or at least a stick shift car. i guess it's in our nature as guys to do that. so from recent happenings like me getting to drive my friend lloyd's honda civic si and getting a ride of my life with Kuya paul's s2000 just really made me think a lot of what car i should look into to trade for my matrix. at first i was excited about the matrix, i mean it's a good car and it does the job.. but it doesnt give me the feel of having the speed. i know all these reasons are selfish, but hey.. this is my thoughts. neways.. now, i really want to get a lancer evolution VII, VIII, or IX. when i got home i actually went online looking for phone numbers of dealerships to ask them if the lancer evolution IX MR version is still on the market for sale brand new. because of course as much as possible i want to experience what's it's like to have a brand new car. my brother, man... it just sucks.. like he got to choose his own car. he got his xb manual drive and brand new. on the other hand, i 've been getting all the hand me down cars from him. from the mazda, to the camry, the solara, and whatever else was left. then my solara got damaged and cost too much to fix it so my parents decided to trade it in for a automatic matrix XR. once again i'm not saying the car is bad but i really wanted a stick shift car. my parents wouldnt let me cuz they think i cant handle it. I hate when i get understimated of what i can do or cant do. sigh*. so now.. i guess i gotta do things and make my dream happen in my own hands. this is my plan; when this semester finishes and by january.. i'm going to speak to my boss because i want to work full time hours. 5 days a week 2-10. i dont care.. i'm going to save money enough for a downpayment plus the trade in of my matrix XR. i'm shooting to save up up to 5,000 dollars. i know this may sound crazy, but over the years of experience of wanting things.. i have proven to accomplished every single impossible things to happen because of my wanting to get it. people who know me know's what i'm talking about. so hopefully, nxt year i will be able to find the car that i really want. which is the lancer evolution IX MR. i dont care what year.. it's good. i dont want the new one's that are coming out for 2008. i wanna keep it original form since it started. it will be seriously a dream come true. i already invision myself driving the car pulling up newhere.. and of course i dont want to get this car just to be cool. ohhhh no no no.. i want to get it for the love of the car and want of having it. when i do get one, it will never be ever sold or trade in. it's going to be a keeper for a life. i wish i had all the money in the world so i can just go to a dealer right now.



I love you alyzzah nicole.


- jeff.

MY WIFEY"S 19!!!

well today.. is my wifey's 19th birthday! HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU! mwuaH! i love you.. and ya we went out to eat.. and it was awesome..i got her a cake. and i was happy and she was too.. and we sang to her and she blew the candles..hehe.. she tortured me laughing and made a video of it.. and we played hide and seek and i won! haha.. and i was her slave for the day. hehe.. and umm.. yea.. tomorrow were going to go out again to shop for her birthday present! yay! i love you mama! last year of your teenage hood! haha..

school is school and i dont like it. i wish it would be only for a day. gosh..


family.. eh.. getting ok i guess.. i jst miss my brother.. a lot. but it's aite.. i pray that God will touch his heart.. and he will get burned more for CHRIST. and bring the woman that he loves to the kingdom of God.

I need to finish school asap. so i can help my mom and dad and so that they can retire now and just relax and sleep. i knoe that they would love to do that.. sigh*..


ima go make some ramen.. it's cold and i love it. b-ball practice tomorrow.. we lost 2wice now. we gotta get a win. it will all change nxt game. gosh.. hehe.. chao ya'll!

Originality.

3 years and 11 months suckers!!!
She wrote everything below for me because I'm her butterfly!

FACTUALITY - BY MY WIFEY (LYZA!)
She tells the world that she’s got her one & only
moving beyond the hype but takin it slowly
her heart spins fast, rewinds, takes in the beat,
as her pair of eyes go across the room & meet
that fire that keeps her burning, the heat that keeps returning,
and in her mind she's like "damnnn!"
she dances to the melody of his heart
breathing in,
taking in,
obsessing in all she could ever hold

and release.
her hands start shaking now,
he's getting closer now,
& all that happens is in the now,
& NOW they're in a world none other than their own

they be living happy now,
she's feeling in the love now
& “now” doesn’t matter unless it’s with “forever”

He stares, glares, and whispers words of a
Woman he calls his own
"she's mine, she's mine"
because there weren't any other lady as fine,
as divine,
as gifted to travel between the aspects of space and time
to shine as brightly, to smile as lively,
to defy pace so timely

just as she did.
so now they be tellin people that they got their one and only,
its always two and never solely,
their smiles up and never lowly,
living beyond your typical love story. Word.

*********

Embrace - By my wifey (LYZA!)
My love -- i cant promise happy endings
but i can give you what's everlasting
the road we're on has the factuality
of twists and turns but who said we
wouldn't make it through?
joy, laughter, love, and tears
mixed with the superfluous rage of
dynamic emotion -- now tell me exactly
what we haven't conquered.

love -- God knows how much I love you
not even a month
a day
a week
a split-second of the time it takes for one's life to change dramatically with the substantial difficulty of overcoming fear
goes by that i don't
think about you,
dream about you,
or even ponder the overflowing ways exactly what i love about you.
LOVE -- it's not infatuation
but the determination of my admiration
given up with elaboration to speak these words through your mental
Feelings too true to be spoken in word
but strong enough to fill your heart with
that joy,
that love,
that overwhelming fascination of romance
that only your eyes can define which finds a way into my soul that grabs me deep to interwine that same being.
LOVE -- it's the passion that keeps us going on this road unknowingly headed to the light of one's existance.
to love,
to feel love,
to be in love is all in between our affair, the affectionate attachment that is so highly shared between you, me, and God.
you've got me speakin words out of my mind that i can no longer contain because with your very essence i breathe all of you into me.
love is what we embrace.
love is what we embrace.
the most simplest matters of the world is
living in us,
breathing in us,
spreading in us,
because in this world cold of isolation and death we carry something made of truth, of loyalty, of something so fond to our likings that within the simple transformation of ourselves
WE
MAKE
IT
BEAUTIFUL.
& it's all in love baby.
love is what WE
embrace.

updates, updates, updates.

dis past sunday was awesome. I got to share my testimony on how God has been blessing me for the past few months. it's been really a blessing. being able to get back on my ministry, going on vacation with the wifey.. not jst one country but 2! haha. School is back.. and it's been aite. just gotta do what i gotta do. 2 more full semesters. and i'm going to graduate.. den on to get my bachelor's at CSULA university. i know i'm going to make it. i have faith. God will make it happen.. it's HIS plan, nothing can stop it. I feel accomplished right now because i just finished cleaning my brother's room, my room, and our hallway including the stairs. so tired though. I also wiped my t.v. my fan and my brother's t.v. i threw away the thrash and replaced the plastic bags. Lately things have been really good.. all thanks to God's blessing. I just really pray for my brother.. because i know he's struggling right now. But at the same time.. i know God has a plan. i hope he turns around before it's too late. it's going to be 4 years of love and relationship and struggles and peace and harmony soon for me and my wifey. I love her so much.. she changed me a lot. my ways and the way i know myself. she brought things out of me that i have never even known i can do. with school, life, and pretty much everything i do. of course i know God has a big impact on it too.. but i know He's using her for me.. because that's how we got to be together.. through God. I believe that in my heart because i didnt search for her.. she jst came. she didnt search for me either.. she found me.. and we found each other.. I'm excited for Kim chiu and gerald anderson's new movie that's gonna come out nxt week. haha. yes i know cheezy.. but hey, we all are someway.. i know that deep down inside of u, all of u guys are suckers for love stories too and love sitcoms and drama's. haha.. Mountasia dis saturday. i cnt wait.. i'm excited to hang out with the wifey and kiddo's. miniature golfing, laser tag.. arcades.. and Go kart racing! for sure i'm gonna own on that.. no one can beat me. hhahahahah! were gonna take lot's and lot's of pictures! haha.. i got my hawaii's and it's going to be the last pair of dunks or sb's i'm going to get.. cost me a fortune too. but no more.. for now. hehehe.. gotta save up. i wanna get back on playing guitar.. i get jealous everytime i hear or see someone play it so well.. i'm gonna try to go on hibernation mode on that.. I MISS MY LONG HAIR. I dont care what everybody says.. i love having long hair.. it's like another person in me.. that's why i'm going to grow my hair.. and no more hair cuts till my bangs grow really long.. den ima shape it up.. i've got the perfect hair design or hair combing if u may.. that i'm going to do.. you guys just have to wait and see.. and pay attention as my hair grows.. hahahaha! the only reason why i shaved my head is because it was hott! i couldnt stand the sweat coming down my eye through my hair. i'm a very sweaty man.. i sweat easily.. which is good.. so i lose weight easy.. well.. dis is getting way too long.. ima start updating this thing daily now.. I gotta go do my hw, laundry, and bring food to my wifey.. she's so hungry and she's at work.. so hopefully my parents get back on time for me to give her food.. I JUST WANT TO SAY.. THNXS FOR READING.. and THAT'S ALL FOLKS!


I LOVE YOU ALYZZAH NICOLE FUTURE MENDOZA! haha.. get it?

" life, reality, and future."

As of right now.. i am going to be jobless.. no more work, all school.. just straight school.. it's going to be weird because i'm not gonna get nemore money for my own.. only money from my parents just for gas and just for what they give me.. yea i know.. whatever you guys are thinking.. but what can i do.. i cant do this nemore.. i cant keep failing in school to do well in everything that i do.. I just gotta do this school thing get a degree and den make something out of myself.. i knoe it's my fault because i slacked off and did too much extra curricular things. but then again.. sigh*.. i'm stressed at the same time not. because now, i'm going to have so much time to myself.. I know this is going to be a good thing.. because like what i have learned.. "can't complain." i just need to get satisfied for what i have and not want nething more.. cotentment.. that's what i need to learn.. so from this day forward.. i'm going to go on hibernation.. because of not having work nemore.. i'm going to work out my life.. ima go make a schedule now on my white bulletin board.

as of right now. I NEED TO WORK ON MY LIFE:
- spiritually
- educationally
- and physically.

Ima start spending more time with God.
Work hard on my studies.
and work out while i'm at it.. at home.. haha.. cnt afford the gym nemore.

I know i'm going to be ok.. because I have God that will always provide.. I love my parents and i dont want they're efforts to be taken for granted..

ima probably start blogging more often here.. because like i said.. i got all the time to myself now..


IT'S TIME.. TIME TO GET SERIOUS.

home. back to reality.

I am so messed up rite now.. jet lag is wack. hehe.. i cnt even tell what time it is or what am i suppose to do.. it feels so good to be back. i got a lot to do. today i gotta go to school and settle things for my classes and counselor. and den nxt week, ima start working again. gotta get that paper.. man.. my vacation really has been an experience. i was able to go to places that i got to experience things that i've never had experience before.. went to resorts and swimming in the beach.. freakin swam in the biggest pool i've ever swam.. i almost freakin drowned jst because of trying to get this little stupid ball we was playing with.. *(but i survived.. jst panicked when i swam and ran out of air.) i was able to go to thailand and experience life there.. it's actually almost the same as living in philippines or L.A. the only thing that bothered me the most was when i got sick there cuz of the rain. other than that the experience over all was dope. I was able to hang out and see my family for 2 weeks and my ate gie that i've been missing so much. the only thing that got me was getting "robbed" by family.. i didnt mean that i literally got robbed, i jst had to help them out financially.. but it's ok.. it's my family... i'd do nething for them.. it's all love.. this explains why i didnt really got to get a lot of pasalubongs to a lot of my friends.. so for all ya'll who are expecting.. sorrie.. i didnt really get to get a lot of stuff.. not even for myself.. i got broke.. totally broke to the point i had overdraft. but it's all good.. my bro helped me out.. man, last nite when i got home.. i was so excited to see my parents.. they were so happy to see me back.. i guess i can say that they really missed me too.. i felt loved a lot from them.. hehe.. and like they were excited to all the pasalubongs i got them.. especially my dad.. hehe.. he was so happy.. and den when my brother got home, he let me drive his new car.. and all i can say is that his car.. is so "sweet!" hehe.. it's so fast.. and his car and my car are the same color.. so were gon be team "red" hehe.. i love my brother.. and i missed him. he was so happy to see me.. and i got him the offical PBA basketball.. he was satisfied. hehe.. i jst had 4 hours of sleep and i feel complete.. it's gon take me a while to adjust back. it's weird.. cuz last year i didnt really got jet lagged.. oh whatever..

andree.. allyson.. thank you.. if u get to read dis.. i want to say thank you.. for enjoying a vacation together and getting to know each other.. i hope things dnt change between us and get more closer and closer as a fam.

a.j. i know der's a little chance u get to read dis but bro.. ur a good man.. it was really good that i got to know u and we bonded as brothers.. if u ever need me .. jst holla.. i'm ur man.. thnxs for everything.. i hope we get to chill and get bond more and more.. God bless ur fam.


and to my wifey.. thank you.. so much.. for everything that you have shown in my life.. you are the jewel that's so precious that nothing can ever replace or buy.. thank you for the endless love that you have shared with me for the past 3 years and 9 months.. i'm forever grateful and blessed by you.. i love you.. always remember dat.. it's u and me for eternity..

11.05.03. it's eternal.


i'm back.. back to reality.. here we go.. let's do dis.. i'm ready for more.. bring it on life..

Life in the philippines.. vacation..

well.. my vacation is almost over.. back to reality again.. so far.. this vacation was the best vacation that i've had.. reason cuz i'm with my wifey.. we went to many places.. and even to another country.. thailand was great but i got sick so that was whack. rite now me and my wifey are seperated cuz she's in the province in dumaguete and i'm with my family in cavite.. i was gon go with her but i got sick and wanted to recover.. i miss my house, my car, my family, and church friends.. it's funny.. me and my wifey are in the same country but i miss her.. i miss her a lot.. being with her made me realize so much about my life.. how i want to spend the rest of my life with her.. how happy i get to see her... and how so much joy she brings in my life.. i'm thankful each day for her because i know she's a gift from God for me.. she brought the best out of me.. she never gave up on me.. not a single one time.. she pushed me to my limit and i'm so thankful for that. Her family has accepted me completely with open arms.. I love her with everything that i am.

school again, work again.. sigh. i knoe i knoe.. why complain ... it aint gon do nothing.. just gotta do what i gotta do. it's ok.. it's a lifestyle..

i'm excited to go back on playing the drums. i'm excited to start my bible study.. i want to bring more youth to CHRIST. that's my mission.. i'm ready.. ready for a revolution..


august 6.. i return to cali.. back to reality..


I love you alyzzah nicole raymundo.. you complete me.